ron white if you quit listening i'll shut up transcript

Britain's most talented young bakers wow judges with cakes, biscuits, breads and more in this kid-focused spinoff of "The Great British Baking Show.". Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. That little spot tastes like Skittles. I dont give a shit. Ive got go get a six-pack of beer and a frozen pizza. Nobody wants to be a white asshole, but everybody wants to have one all of a sudden. This one takes a bit to get going and funny, but once he starts, he keeps it going hard. She goes, Listen, Ron. I think it brings out the flavor. And it really reminded Jeff and I of how much fun we have on stage together and how much we like to play off each other. Director Tom Forrest Writer Ron White Star Ron White RON WHITE: IF YOU QUIT LISTENING, I'LL SHUT UP (2018) - FULL TRANSCRIPT October 19, 2018 Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. 4,772, This story has been shared 3,426 times. 6:01, gets there. Not because they try to say something funny. Just his torso, blood coming out of it and just Chris Hemsworth kind of I dont want to pinch his nipples or anything. [bleating] I cant wait till they go hog-wild and just put a sugar lick right there in the middle of the fucking room. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. Montreals a gorgeous city, and the festivals are done in 20 venues all over the town, beautiful thing. Itll be fun. Im like, All right, lets go. And it was unbelievable, huge, all the big dildo companies were there, uh. I got attacked by a goose when I was a kid. Because the most jacked-up cooch Ive ever seen in my life is way better looking than my ball sack. [whistling] Im on break. This is also his first stand-up special since his 2011's 'A Little Unprofessional'. Theyre like, Ooh, look at that one. Which one? Its for sale. Dont you fucking do it. And he fucking did it! First big gig we did together was the first week in December 1996 at the MGM Grand in Vegas. I was doing a meet and greet the other day right after a show, this young guy goes, When my girlfriend comes back from vacation with her parents, Im going to ask her to marry me. We go back to OLearys Pub where this whole fucking thing started. Now I dont know if they have a color in mind when they start, or if you just bleach it and get whatever the fuck you get. Ladies, if you dont like the way the cooch is looking, before you go do something that extreme, try this. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018| Maturity Rating:TV-MA | 1h 3m| Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018| Maturity Rating:TV-MA | 1h 3m| Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. [inaudible] I want to start off this evening by telling you something about me you may not know. Im like, Oh! Thats why. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. Geese arent natural. I go back up to the room and shes passed out, in this negligee, and shes fucking gorgeous. Coming Soon. Netflix uses cookies for personalization, to customize its online advertisements, and for other purposes. What's he doing? Since the Blue Collar Comedy Tour first started in 2000, Texas native Ron White has always stood apart from the other three stand-up comedians as the odd man in. And he comes up to me and goes [high-pitched] Mr. If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up opens with soundbites from Whites previous specials, then we see him onstage, in a crisp suit, revealing to his fans how fame and fortune has changed him. It was so fucking funny. Here's When It Returns With New Episodes, Drew Barrymore Halts Segment After "Severely Old" Mac and Cheese Noodle Flies off Her Desk: "It's Rock Hard". Required fields are marked *. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). Starring:Ron White Watch all you want. It doesnt matter what it fucking looks like. But they keep hounding me till I say, Yeah, fuck it, lets go. But I didnt want her to go. Whats the problem? I said, I ordered a movie, it said, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing came on the TV. She goes, What did you order? Cast Away. If You Quit Listening I'll Shut Up opens with soundbites from White's previous specials, then we see him onstage, in a crisp suit, revealing to his fans how fame and fortune has changed. [whispering] Charming. #Comics #Comedy #Jokes #Reaction #RonWhite #HappyNewYear #2021Copyright Disclaimer under section 107 of the Copyright Act of 1976, allowance is made for fair use for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education and research.Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Besides, if youre at that point in a make-out session, youre gonna do it anyway. These are two broke fucking fingers. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. I fucking hate geese. Thanks for playing along. Is she there? I was 12. A tongue is a tongue, and a tooth is a fucking tooth. It's Me, Margaret. Where Was 'John Mulaney: Baby J' on Netflix Filmed? It was a demo when I bought it, had 350 yards already on it, but I put the other 400 yards on it myself. Three weeks ago, my wife and I went to New York City, and we went to a gay wedding, and it was a man marrying a woman, [laughing] but it was the gayest fucking thing Ive ever seen. I dont know if it just looks tired or sad, or worried about something it cant do anything about. Or any. If you dont know what they look like, it looks like a pug was raped by a fruit bat. Its like you were waiting in line for two hours to ride a roller coaster and it finally shows up and the seats are kinda bumpy and worn out. Stay up-to-date on all the latest Rotten Tomatoes news! Im like, Im through it. You gotta kill the duck to get the duck meat. Privacy Policy Your email address will not be published. [high-pitched] Thats all. I was in Melbourne, Florida, one time and I was driving a rental car, and I was by myself, and Id had two drinks. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Its still the number one-selling comedy album of all time, and, uh Jeff had been my friend for ten years, and suddenly, kaboom, hes the biggest comedian in the world. Thats the worst thing you can be as a little kid is a fucking bed-wetter. Whats she doing to Wilson? 20,592, This story has been shared 13,103 times. I appreciate that, and Im sorry you lost your dad. He goes, I was in love with you and Id see you on television, Id pretend you were my husband and wed go out to eat, and things like that. I went, Well, thats nice of you to say, I appreciate it, very nice to meet you. He goes, I had a picture of you I used to masturbate to. Which one? What kind of balls does it take to put the word corral on the name of your fucking restaurant? Boy, do they know that demographic! Hes a more believably real-life incarnation of The Beverly Hillbillies, growing up poor in dusty, rural Texas, only to strike it rich in comedy, and move in with his newest wife into a home theyve built in Beverly Hills. Ron, wake up. Cause I dont care if shes a little salty. And I still eat tacos, but now I only eat the baby duck pussy lip tacos that you get at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills on Sunday. Nobody in this fucking room would do it. Now, I think its a little strange that vaginal rejuvenation is fine, yet its illegal to roll back the odometer on your car. Its got three comedy clubs and Id just done a 15-minute set in the OR, which is the original room, but they call it the OR. All right, yall shut up. You know why? And I know that a gold star lesbian is a woman whos never had any dick not once ever in her life, and Ive never had any dick not once ever in my life. You should have the person help you move all the shit out and then shoot him. I dont remember. Yo, bitch, what the fuck you going to do about it? Lock those beady eyes on you. So I did my set, and Im out in the hallway talking to Joe Rogan and this guy comes up to me, in his early 30s, I would guess, very flamboyant, very nervous. You know what a fair drunk driving test is? Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 16+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Unless one of them wet the bed. And as a 12-year-old, I make a conscious decision to piss on my friend to make me look better. Cause .08s not drunk. We dont even want it. 'Succession' Season 4 Episode 6 Recap: "Living+", 'Succession': Tom and Shiv's "Bitey" Game is the Horniest, Most Effed Up Thing Theyve Done Yet. I couldnt fucking breathe. Im in the road! Does a Z-pattern to get across. Viagra. I ran, um I ran for president of the United States, and I dont think I won, because nobodys called and I quit watching television. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 18+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. So Thats it. Traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. ", Stream It Or Skip It: 'Moonage Daydream' on HBO Max, a David Bowie Biography That's More Sensual Experience than Documentary, Personality Crisis: One Night Only Finds Punk Pioneer David Johansen Recounting His Many Lives, Stream It Or Skip It: 'The Legacy of J Dilla' on FX/Hulu, Exploring The Life, Beats, And Career Of The Late Hip-Hop Hero, Stream It Or Skip It: Little Richard: I Am Everything on VOD, A Biodoc As Vibrant As Its Subject, The Peter Pan & Wendy Sea Shanty Is An Ear Worm That Will Haunt Your Dreams, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Peter Pan and Wendy' on Disney+, Director David Lowery's Lightly Visionary Disney Rehash, Where Was Peter Pan and Wendy Filmed? Its got 750 yards on it. Ill get some money. And so, White closes by turning back time to talk about a weekend in December 1996, when White opened for Foxworthy in Las Vegas at the MGM Grand, while Engvall opened for Reba McEntire down the strip at Caesars Palace. I thought about being gay one time, and I changed my mind when it came my turn. Nonbinary 'Yellowjackets' Star Liv Hewson Is Sitting out of Emmy Season Over Gendered Categories, 'Yellowjackets' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Digging the Antler Queen, Drew Barrymore Admits She's "Not Sure" She's "Drawn to the Manscaper" on 'The Drew Barrymore Show': "I Love Funk", Drew Barrymore Opens up About Up Close and Personal Interview Style: "I Feel This Magnetic Pull", Why Isn't 'The Drew Barrymore Show' on Today? [mooing] Welcome to our giant all-you-can-eat food trough. After dedicating years of service at a matchmaking company, Arini tries to piece together her mysterious past and memories of a former client. Somebodys gotta drive. Go see what it is. Wake up those fucking dogs you bought. 'Succession' Season 4 Finale Date: When Is the Last Episode? Watch Ron White only on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/in/title/80244900Follow NETFLIX IS A JOKE:Facebook: www.facebook.com/NetflixIsAJokeTwitter: www.twitter.com/NetflixIsAJokeInstagram: www.instagram.com/NetflixIsAJokeSUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/29qBUt7About Netflix:Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with 130 million memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. Cause there aint no goddamn women there. From the big lip to the little lip, right over the clit, tuck in the meat curtains if you got em. And I wear wild socks, and So Im having breakfast in this restaurant across the street from the hotel Im staying in, by myself, and I finish with my meal, I realize I dont have any money. Lukas Matsson's Tweet Explained. They are. Im 61 years old now, and I know two things to be true. Um, Im from a very, very small dusty town in northwest Texas, and I grew up in this little bitty house that was built by my father and my grandfather the year I was born, 1956. And nobody wants our shit anymore. It says, Please enjoy your feature film, but nothing comes on the television. Im the watchdog at our house. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. And traditionally during the week, these three comics would go to the mall and those two comics would watch that comic spend money. In the summer, I keep a bowl of limes right next to the salt shaker, and Ill just get a lime, squirt a little lime juice in there, little bit of salt, hunker down, do some pussy shots. This is drunk. Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. Big old round uns, big old muumuu and 400-plus, great big old big uns. Do not try that at home. Theres nothing you can do about it. And I did these shows in London, and they dont play my stuff on television in London. [distorted] Wagyu beef taste like boot leather. I do. No. She goes, Look, its just on the wrong channel. Click. And that was the first timeall three of us had our names on big signs in Vegas, and we went outside to look at it, and I was like, Fuck, now what? Sorry. Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Your Ticket Confirmation # is located under the header in your email that reads "Your Ticket Reservation Details". I wish you would have told us that up front. I was the feature act at the Punchline Comedy Club in Sacramento, California. Baby goose pussy [tripping over his tongue] makes wagyu beef taste like boot leath boot All right, Im gonna rewrite this sentence. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. Thats all I know. His answers are crass. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity rating: 15 | 1h 3m | Stand-up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. His jokes are cynical, full of satire and sarcasm and that's what makes it good. I understand how unnecessary that was. But it turns out, theyre great watchdogs. I never got over it. 41,150, This story has been shared 20,592 times. Just below that it reads "Ticket Confirmation#:" followed by a 10-digit number. Theres an opening act, that makes between 100 and 200 a week for nine shows, the feature act which is what I was makes between 400 and 500 bucks for nine shows, and a headliner who can make absolutely anything depending upon who they are.. Rejuvenate your vagina. Jesus. And you cant un-fuck the housekeeper. And if youre looking for a bicycle, its a great deal. You're almost there! 'Citadel' Episode Guide: When Do New Episodes Premiere on Prime Video? Because they rarely fucking die. This befuddled me. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. [whooping] Um The other day, um Jeff Jeff Foxworthy and I were Jeff has a special on Sirius called The Comics Mind, and hed been talking to me about doing it. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese.Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese.Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. And if youre all politically correct, dont worry. Ron White- If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (2018) Watch HD. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. And I know some guys that have had one homosexual experience or two or 10,000, doesnt make a fuck bit of difference to me. And I think thats why they marry so many of them. Is that Glen Campbell or Nick Nolte? Stream It Or Skip It: 'White House Plumbers' On HBO, A Comedic Take On The Bumbling Team Behind The Watergate Break-In, Stream It Or Skip It: Kiss, Kiss! on Netflix, a Polish Rom-Com With an Oogy Womanizer Protagonist. Youre not even trying? While I was in Canada shooting a fucking pilot! I need to get her a gag gift. Thats an agility test, and Im not very goddamn agile, all right? Theyre not natural. And theres never anybody there. They won't be able to see your review if you only submit your rating. Thats something we dreamed about and it fucking happened. Im like, What do I even do? I didnt lose my virginity until I was 18 years old, and I was in the Navy stationed in San Diego, and I lost my virginity to a prostitute in Tijuana, Mexico, who was overweight,and her teeth had no general direction or color. Watch Ron White: If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up on Netflix, This story has been shared 41,150 times. It happened ten years before, but I still had his office number in my phone, and my wife said I was a dick for doing this, but as soon as I found out he died, I called his office, I said, Id like to speak to John Mayhew, please. The lady goes, Im very sorry to tell you, but Mr. Mayhew passed away. I said, Okay, and I called her right back and said, Id like to speak to John Mayhew, please. She goes, I just told you, Mr. Mayhew passed away. I said, I know, I just like hearing you say it. My wifes like, Youre a dick. I said, Bullshit. After dedicating years of service at a matchmaking company, Arini tries to piece together her mysterious past and memories of a former client. Its very short. My cousin Ray, who Ive talked about on stage before, hes a real guy, he only eats at the Golden Corral because my cousin Ray only dates huge women. What they do is they take these baby ducks, and they just snip the pussy lips off of em, and it takes, like, 35 baby ducks to make one taco, but it is fucking worth it, man. Sean L. McCarthy works the comedy beat for his own digital newspaper,The Comics Comic; before that, for actual newspapers. I walk out there and get shot, her and them dogs leave out the back door, hop in the Mercedes, live the life of Riley, while I bleed to death on that fucking rug she had to have. Vaginal rejuvenation. Your AMC Ticket Confirmation# can be found in your order confirmation email. 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Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. A Tourists Guide to Love Filming Locations: Where Was the Rachael Leigh Cook Movie Filmed? Okay. Television?. They all look like fucking tents. What? And I double snotted my own fucking television. Weve tried everything that there is. Now I live in Beverly Hills in a house my wife and I just built, and I was doing an interview the other day, and this guy asked me, Has it changed you? As Egypt's last pharaoh, Cleopatra fights to protect her throne, family and legacy in this docudrama featuring reenactments and expert interviews. I guarantee you, when I leave the house, my wifes not dragging out a headshot, rubbing one off You look more like Steve Bannon every day. Id help you move it out, but Im bleeding. Back then, having their names on Vegas marquees was living the dream. Coming Soon. Thats what I do. Turns out its a solid one. Well, youre gifted. And I told this young guy, I said, Yeah, if I were you, Id go to a gay bar, let somebody fuck me in the ass and make goddamn sure Im not gay, cause it looks like theyre having more fun than anybody to me., It does too, cause we live right next to West Hollywood. This goose comes out of this pond like a fucking killing machine. Fuck, I dont know. A little while back I was watching this documentary on transvestites, and they start talking about the transvestite scene thats been on Hotel Street on Oahu for 55years. Im not, and Ill tell you why, because if that piece of shits calibrated wrong, I could be convicted of something I didnt even do. He goes, Then I need you to do a field sobriety test. Im like, Just tell me what to do.. Thats all. Link to Are You There God? You and her were standing in the kitchen and looked at that lime. Youre just spreading your ass cheeks, squatting into a tray of solution for a limited amount of time for a desired result. Thats what happened to that plane Sully landed on the Hudson River. , and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. I dont have that kind of mirror or that kind of friend. Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up I can put my car in drive and roll over your ass. Ill come back over and pay you. This is what he says: Well, those dont look like the socks of a man who would steal an egg. Yeah, they sure the fuck dont. And then I was watching Godfather, I thought, Well, if instead of that horse head, they just had Chris Hemsworth with no shirt on. And the way he found out he didnt wet the bed, is he lived in Round Rock, Texas, and I hadnt really seen him in years, and I was doing this radio station and I told that story, and he called the radio station, You fucking pissed on me? 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But oddly enough, I do have a suggestion for this. the Terms and Policies, and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. Cheers, this is just special, right here. And we go out that night, it was one of the funnest nights of my life, uh We had been friends for ten years, so we were young comics together, and thats whatwe used to talk about as young comics. Is The Nurse On Netflix Based On A True Story? Anyway I was a bed-wetter, and I was mortified by it. Lets do a big shot of tequila, you snort some cocaine off my dick and fuck me right up the butt. And they march off to the bathroom and do exactly that, exactly then, and the reason they can is theres not a woman there to go, Well, thats morally wrong and bathrooms arent near clean enough to butt-fuck in. Oh, they beg to differ. You fucking idiot. Legendary comedian and podcaster Marc Maron stars in his first-ever HBO comedy special filmed in front of a live audience at New York Citys Town Hall. We walk up to this booth that only sells dildos. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. Eat this baby goose pussy lip taco., Back in 1996, my dear friend Jeff Foxworthy became the biggest comedian that ever lived. And I was there with a woman I couldnt stand eventually. 7:31. The other day I was watching Tarzan, the new Tarzan movie. And it was his goal for a lot of years to make me a famous comedian, and he truly sucks at it, cause it took him for fuckin ever. So Ive just driven from Dallas to Sacramento to make $400. Were just gonna have lunch. Now the reason I know this term is, I have lesbian friends too. Ron White - Take 2 Viagra and demand a pat down. Just laying there dead, cause it died somewhere? Im on the back porch of the church, eating my little sandwich, six years old, drinking my Kool-Aid.

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ron white if you quit listening i'll shut up transcript

ron white if you quit listening i'll shut up transcript